


Change Your Mind

by orphan_account



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Unrequited Love, i didnt mean for shorter to sound like an incel whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-11-07 19:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20822723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I want you,” Shorter repeats.“Well, you can’t have me,” Ash hisses. “You will never ever have me so stop trying.”





	Change Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [phichithamsters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phichithamsters/gifts).

> yo hannah i hope you like this!!!

He remembers the exact moment he fell in love with Ash. It was also the first time they smoked together. They were fourteen and in his treehouse, the treehouse that was once a place of childhood innocence, now used for teenage experiments. Ash had stolen a pack from the local gas station and was ready to try it out. And who else to accompany him but his loyal subject Shorter? The one who trailed behind him at parties and stared at him in calculus? He used to worship Ash, still kind of does. Despite his efforts to show Shorter what a terrible person he is, Shorter can’t help but idolize his every move.

Ash had lit the cigarette and tried hard to look stoic. Shorter had watched him intently, searching for some sign of pleasure the boy might get from inhaling tar. But even Ash couldn’t help but cough and sputter the smoke out, and Shorter didn’t laugh at him. Because he promised not to. 

_ Maybe we got the wrong brand. _

_ Yeah. That’s probably it. _

Then, he decided that Ash, hacking up a lung from a faint puff of nicotine, was the boy he wanted to fall in love with. This boy who rolled his eyes and frowned at whatever Shorter said but came over to his house anyway, this boy who still wore the friendship bracelet they had made each other in elementary school. This boy was everything to him, and he didn’t even know it.

Now, at seventeen, Ash can handle his smoke, with deep inhales followed by profound exhales. All Shorter can do is watch, just like when they were in middle school. He watches the smoke blowing out of Ash’s mouth when he speaks, following it until it disappears into the sky. He taps his cigarette, and Shorter watches the ashes fall to the ground. 

Ash hands the box over to him, and he gladly takes it. He needs a smoke right about now. He uses his hand to shield the lighter from the cold winds so he can get a good burn. They’re both freezing their asses behind the school after just meeting this mystery boy Ash is fucking. Some Japanese transfer student. It doesn’t really matter. Whoever will give Ash attention, make him feel good for a while. He suddenly feels tired. The routine of meeting new boyfriends, knowing they’ll only be discarded after Ash gets bored with them. How tedious. It almost gives Shorter a sense of pride that he’s been able to keep Ash’s attention for so long, even if it’s not necessarily in the way he would prefer.

But this one particular boy throws off his whole game. He’s different from Ash’s usual type. He’s...weird. He was wearing a keroppi sweater over a button-up and wouldn’t take a cigarette. He had grabbed Ash’s hand, and their fingers casually intertwined. What appeared to be a blush crept onto Ash’s face, and he looked down at the asphalt. It isn’t normal. In fact, it’s fucking  _ bonkers  _ for Ash to let anyone get to him like that, yet here they were, Ash trying to explain to him how this loser was the best thing to happen to him.

“He’s different, Shorter.” Ash begins, his eyes tracing the cracks in the sidewalk. “He makes me  _ feel  _ something.” Shorter wants to retort, reply with something like ‘your mom makes me feel something too’, but he can’t, can hardly breathe around Ash. He knows he means it, that he’s found something Shorter was trying so fucking hard to be for so long but never made the cut.

“He’s the first person who’s not asked anything of me. He just wants  _ me _ , nothing else,” Ash continues. He sounds spectacularly amazed by the concept like he’s been waiting for Eiji Okumura his entire life like they were soulmates or some shit. “There’s something between us that’s organic, not like with the others. Not even something you and I have.” Oof, that stung.

“I want you, nothing else.” Shorter suddenly blurts. Ash completely devours things, spitting them back out until there is nothing but bone. Shorter knows this and chooses to follow him anyway. He’s half-eaten carcass trailing behind his predator, begging for Ash to put him out of his misery, but he never does. Maybe Shorter is a masochist, maybe he  _ likes  _ being kept around as a lowly pet. Maybe he loves Ash so much he’ll die for him. Yeah, that sounds nice. Maybe he’ll die right here and now. Maybe he’ll say something he’s going to regret.

“No,” Ash immediately corrects. He doesn’t even stop to think about it, process his feelings. Ash is quick. He’s known. He’s always known. “You want the  _ image  _ of me, not the-”

“Would you cut the manic pixie dream girl shit out?” Ash looks surprised at his response like he dares to speak against him. He grabs Ash’s hand. “I want  _ you _ .” Touching Ash: a big violation of the unspoken contract they made the day Shorter tried to kiss him. He had been so fed up, drunk at that stupid party. Why did it have to be some random private school boy to shove his tongue down Ash’s throat for the first time? Why couldn’t it be them furiously making out up against a locker in the hallway? Until a teacher has to practically pry them off each other? It made Shorter sick to think about someone else’s hands on Ash, or Ash getting on his knees for some other guy, whatever fling he decided he wanted for the month. It truly, truly made Shorter nauseous, so he did the only logical thing his mind had come up with. He kissed Ash, and Ash didn’t kiss back or ever forgive him for it.

Now he’s repeating the same mistakes. Shorter knows he can’t change Ash’s mind, can hardly come close. All he can do is feel Ash’s lips on his one final time before he screws everything up for good. Before Ash asks Eiji to marry him or some shit and Shorter has to slowly die as Ash’s best man, but he won’t have it. He’s changing the script. He’s kissing Ash, and if he doesn’t like it then they’re through. He finally knows what it means to steal a kiss, and it feels awful. Ash pushes him away. Hard.

“ _ I want you _ ,” Shorter repeats. He hates himself. He hates himself for making stupid, impulsive decisions. He hates himself for not being enough for Ash.

“Well, you can’t have me,” Ash hisses. “You will never ever have me, so stop trying.” His eyes scream terror. He doesn’t want Shorter. He never did and never will. Ash wants pretty foreign boys who don’t know anything about him. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much. He can’t think in this misery. It started when they were fourteen and has been spreading ever since, devouring Shorter whole. Just like Ash, there’s nothing left but flesh and bone.

“We could be happy together.” He tries to salvage it, tries to prove his point. It’s completely useless. All those times they spent having dance parties in Shorter’s treehouse, all the pranks they pulled on Nadia, and all the secret whispers they told each other. It isn’t enough. Shorter knows Ash wants to scream at him, tell him to go fuck off, spit in his face, but he doesn’t. That’s what all those memories are worth, a hesitation of rage for his best friend. Ash rubs his hands over his face, trying to keep his cool. 

“Let’s just not talk about it. Okay?” He picks up his backpack off the ground and slings it over his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry” is all he can manage to say before Ash disappears behind the corner. He won’t see him tomorrow, won’t see the same Ash that had texted him this morning about running late. He won’t see the same Ash that trusts him. Ruining everything, that’s what Shorter’s good at.

“I know.”


End file.
